All They Need is Love?

One of the toughest things in parenting is learning and deciding what a child wants versus what they really need. So many parents give in to their children’s wants more then what they really need, causing their children to be unhappy, and maybe unruly. Here are things children NEED:

CONTACT-- Offer contact freely

Children need the opportunity to be held, touched, cuddled, acknowledged, and to be talked to. Babies and young children benefit greatly by physical contact. In this article  by Scientific America they discuss how impactful touch is for infants. It increases their brain capacity and learning and increases emotional intelligence.

Not only is contact important for infants and young children, but even older children need contact. Have you ever seen or met a child that seemed off-the-walls crazy, active, and maybe kind of jittery? For many children that is a sign of not enough contact from people. How do you cure the hyper-activeness? Acknowledge the child! Say hi, ask them how they’re doing, be super interested in them, pat them on the shoulder, tousle their hair, if appropriate, give them a quick hug; be buddy-buddy with them. I have personally known children who used to seem crazy active, but as soon as adults started talking to them and making them feel loved and valued, they mellowed out a lot.

BELONGING

How do you give a child a sense of belonging? Include them! Teach them how to contribute to the family. If you’re folding laundry, ask them to help you put it away. Show them skills they will need in order to contribute. Give kids chores, teach them the importance of responsibility in the home. If you’re making dinner give them age-appropriate tasks. Children need the chance to feel and act like they belong.

POWER

Now, I’m not saying the children should have all the power and rule the roost. No way. The power they need is power over their own life. They should be able to make some choices and live with the consequences. When children are young they can choose the kind of outfits they want to wear. They can choose whether they listen to their parents and learn how to deal with the consequences of doing so, or not doing so. They need to learn the ability of responding to situations (response-ability).

PROTECTION

Not only do children need parents that can guard their hearts from terrible things, but they need parents that can teach them how to protect themselves. One protection that is essential for being safe are boundaries. Boundaries protect us from unwanted activity that can hurt us physically or emotionally. Children need to be taught boundaries, and the boundaries they instill need to be upheld as well. A simple boundary you or your child may create could be knocking on a closed door and waiting for a response before you/they come in. So simple, yet so important.

WITHDRAWAL

Let’s face it: everyone has times when they just need to be by themselves. As adults we value alone-time, but children need it occasionally as well. Give children time to themselves, they’ll learn how to think introspectively, how to value time alone, how to play by themselves, and the importance of taking a time-out from the world. Don’t let children (or yourself) be distracted constantly, weather it be toys, movies, or my least favorite, personal electronics.

CHALLENGE

Okay, I’ll be honest. I kind of hate challenges. I don’t like the uncomfortable feeling of stretching myself, or learning something new, or failing. After I do have a challenging moment, I end up realizing how important it was for me, so I could grow and appreciate it, but I still don’t like it.

As I think about that, I think about how I want my own children to love challenges, or at least be willing to be challenged. When we as humans are challenged and we succeed, we grow so much. We even grow when we don’t succeed right away. Children need tough moments to prevail through. They need to be taught how to do hard things and keep going when they want to give up. Children feel good about themselves when they accomplish something hard. If a child can learn how to do these tough things, they will be prepared for the real world.

The purpose of parenting:

“To protect and prepare a child to survive and thrive in the world they’re going to live in.”

- M. Popkin

Please comment on how these needs have been met for you, or how you plan to meet these needs in your own children (either now, or in the future). Thanks for reading!