Father's Day 2019

I love my dad a lot. We’re pretty good buds. Sometimes if everyone is gone on a Friday night, he and I will go out and get some junky fast food like Taco Bell, and watch a movie, or do something else fun. I call that our “Bachelor Night.”

Some attributes that I find admirable about my father is that he’s:

-       Humble

-       Hard-working

-       Funny

-       Teacher

-       Strong

-       Gives service

-       Sacrifices

-       Is a good leader

-       Smart

-       Dependable

-       And a protector.

The attribute I admire the most, is the amount he has sacrificed to provide for our family. For the last 23 years my dad has worked so hard working as an antique restorer in a metal building with no A/C or heating in temperatures from a humid 100*F to a humid 30*F. (I understand 30 isn’t cold for Idaho, but again, I’m from Texas, and humid cold is cold, too). I don’t know if I would do that for my family. He worked 5½ days a week, only took a few days off a year, and missed a lot of road trips we went on, to make sure we had a comfortable life. Recently, my parents moved to Kansas, and my dad now has a cushy job at a hardware store. My dad is a good man.

Some things I wish he were better at is patience, gentleness, and I wish he would have supported daily family scripture and prayer. He was good about family home evening my whole life, until I started singles ward, then it dropped off, haha. My dad has definitely become better at being patient with all of us... Or us kids are all less annoying...

I would also like to say, that not only can Fathers teach their own children, but they can teach other children as well. There is an increasing trend of fathers not being a part of their children’s lives, and children NEED fathers. I know that I have learned from other men whom I have considered father-figures, things my own father couldn’t, or didn’t teach me. For all the children who don’t have good fathers, be good fathers to them.

My dad has been a father figure to a younger friend of mine who didn’t grow up with a father. When we were younger, that friend loved baseball, so my dad would play catch with him some evenings, or just talk about games and rankings and all of that. My dad would make sure that he got to young men’s and scouts and made sure he had fun. That guy got into trouble in high school, like big trouble, but whenever he was around, my dad would always ask him for help with yardwork, or hire him for odd jobs at work, and keep him busy. Recently, my friend told me that my dad was the only leader he liked in young men’s and scouts, and that’s why he stuck around with church for as long as he did.

I would like to invite you to think about things that your father does or has done that you admire. 

Men, do you do them? Start developing those attributes now in preparing to be a father.

Women, you need to stand up for good fathers and good men, tell the men you know who are doing good things, how you respect and admire them. Even if it’s just a simple “thank you for____.”

Good fathers are just as important as good mothers.

 

 My dad and I :) 

Feel free to comment things you like about your own father (or father figures), or things you wish to see in your own family.

End of the Week Thoughts

This post is going to be a little different. Instead of it having a specific stance on a theme, I’m going to summarize the discussions we had and mention things that were talked about in class that I liked.

So fair warning, this will be scatterbrained.

On Tuesday we talked about engagement and preparing for marriage. We started off talking about the proposal. Many people today will say that they are “basically engaged,” which means you’re just dating. You’re not engaged until a significant effort is put into the relationship to show that you with be married to each other. One of those this can be a ring. Another thing is the proposal. My professor discussed that the proposal should take effort, be thoughtful, and show that they going to commit to the other person.

Engagement is preparation for marriage. It is during the engagement when patterns will form that will last throughout the marriage. During the engagement the couple will have a wonderful opportunity to form patterns for their marriage, by planning a wedding together. When planning a wedding together the couple will learn how to make important decisions together, how to use resources, how to budget and more importantly, how to be married. But one thing that is really important to remember is that you are NOT married, and you are NOT a family until you both say I do.

Another thing my professor suggested was that there could be a change in wedding culture. Instead of having the tradition where the couple and their parents pay for a lavish wedding with only 100 people invited to attend, that maybe it should be a combined effort of many family members and friends pitching in money, time, and talents to have a more casual wedding where 500 people could attend, and you would actually enjoy. I really love that idea. Who likes going to a wedding with a reception line, having to shake a bunch of strangers’ hands, and only having 30 seconds to talk to the couple?

Not. Me. It’s ridiculous.

"If you don’t trust them with EVERYTHING, you ought not marry them." Some very sound advice. That’s a surefire way to complicate a marriage before it even begins. Why would you want to spend the rest of your life with someone if you don’t trust them completely?

Every day before class starts we sing a hymn. On Tuesday a line stuck out to me. “In serving I am blessed.” Doing things for other people truly makes us happier. Even related to marriage and family, when we do things for our family members we create a strong bond between each other of trust and reliability. I remember as a kid, my mom would write little notes to put in our lunches and they’d always say really sweet and encouraging things in them. That really made me feel happy and loved when my mom would do that. It would make the days at school that were sometimes so hard and awful, slightly more bearable. I think sometimes we play down children’s experiences and feelings too much. We were once kids too, and those emotions felt so real to us and were very real. So are our kid’s feelings.

The last thing I wanted to mention is that the small day-to-day decisions are just as important as the big and life-changing decisions. The patterns you create effect your relationships, actions, and even those big decisions. Think before you act and make little changes that will make your life and your relationships better. If you feel like changing and being better but you don’t know how, ask a close friend to be honest with you in identifying attributes you could get rid of or replace to help you be a better person.

Gifts of the Spirit

On LDS.org, gifts of the Spirit are defined as, “…blessings or abilities given by God to His children through the power of the Holy Ghost.” Many of these blessings and gifts are only received when they are called upon through prayer. The gifts are also given to us for our time here in mortality and can only be received in mortality. When we are given these gifts, we are also expected to use these gifts to serve others as well as ourselves.

            As previously mentioned, to be blessed with a gift of the Spirit you much ask God through prayer to be blessed with that gift you desire. In his talk, Spiritual Gifts, President Oaks said, “Spiritual gifts do not come visibly, automatically, and immediately to all who have received the gift of the Holy Ghost.” Because of that, you must work for that gift and grow it “line upon line, precept upon precept” (2 Nephi 28:30). Slowly, the gift is administered by the Holy Ghost.

            Elder Orson Pratt taught that every person is given at least one Gift of the Spirit in this mortal life (Student Manual, p. 100). Some examples of Gifts of the Spirit are, teaching the word of wisdom, teaching the word of knowledge by the Spirit, faith, healing, working miracles, prophesy, beholding angels and ministering spirits, the gift of tongues, and interpretation of tongues, to name a few (Moroni 10). “There’s more Gifts of the Spirit than you can shake a stick at” (Brother Thomas Chapman, 2018). That means these gifts can be customizable to each individual’s needs and desires.

            Faith is a gift of the Spirit. In Alma 32, Alma taught that faith is like a seed, and we need to plant it and nurture it. It is important that we continually pray for this gift. As we grow our faith, we will be able to know of other gifts we would like to receive, and act on those gifts.

            The gift of faith to be healed is another important gift. Christ healed many people because they had faith that they could be healed by Him.  Elder Robert D. Hales has said, “There have been times when I have laid hands upon one who was ill and felt their spirit and their faith so strongly that they would be healed that I felt a surge of the power of their faith” (Hales, 2002). Joseph Smith has also taught that the faith to be healed is one of the greatest gifts.

            Another gift is the gift of wisdom. Many prophets, bishops and their counselors receive this gift to assist them in their calling. In James 1:5 we are told we can “ask of God, that giveth to all men, liberally.” Sometimes parents can be given the gift of wisdom when they are counseling their children.

            The gift of tongues and interpretation of tongues are some of the more popular gifts people like to talk about. Many missionaries are given this gift if they are learning a new language. It is also used to “…give an unusual message or communicate with those who speak a different language” (Student Manual p. 101). We are warned not to use the gift of tongues or any gifts as they were not intended, or else it could end up being a curse. We need to treat our gifts with the respect and sanctity they deserve.

            Another gift is the gift of knowledge. This is one of the few gifts that we will take with us in eternity. It “comes by study and obedience” (Student Manual P. 101). Not only does this gift pertain to secular knowledge, but also spiritual knowledge. With this gift we can be enlightened by how God thinks, and understand more fully what He wants for us (McConkie chapter 40).

            “The gift of discernment helps us to recognize good and evil, truth and error” (LDS Church News, 1995). The ways we can develop the gift of discernment are like the other gifts. We need to pray for it, and pray to align ourselves with the Lord’s will. As well as praying, we need to study the scriptures so we can know right from wrong, and recognize the Spirit as we learn truth. If we listen to our feelings as well as the Holy Ghost, we can tell if something is good or bad. Keeping the commandments is essential to gaining the gift of discernment. When we are obedient, the spirit can dwell with us. And lastly, but very importantly, we need to act upon promptings we receive. If we do not act on the promptings, the Holy Ghost will withdraw from us, and we will be less able to discern from right or wrong.

            These gifts, and an innumerable amount more, are available to all of us who have received the Gift of the Holy Ghost (Burton). Every member is given at least one of these gifts, and it is up to them to cultivate them. They must pray to receive them and grow them line upon line. They must study it and gain more revelation to understand how to use their gifts to help themselves, but more importantly help others. “When ye are in the service of your fellow beings, you are only in the service of your God” (Mosiah 2:10).

References used in this post:

Doctrine and Covenants Student Manual—Religion 324 and 325

Gifts of the Spirit by Robert D. Hales—February 2002 Ensign

HOW TO DEVELOP THE GIFT OF DISCERNMENT: LDS Church News 1995

LDS.org—searched with keywords: “Spiritual Gifts”

New Witness for the Articles of Faith by Bruce R. McConkie

Spiritual Gifts by Elder Dallin H, Oaks – excerpt from Heritage of Faith: Talks Selected from the BYU Women’s Conferences

We Believe by Rulon T. Burton

Equal But Different

In society today, there is a fight between men and women. Some women express that they feel like they are treated like a step below men and need to show that they are better than men. Men feel like they aren't respected anymore and are seen as prideful, dumb oafs. This is a toxic mindset.

Men and women are different. Period. And it’s wonderful. The natural strengths and weaknesses of each are compatible and essential.

Generally, males tend to be aggressive, competitive, are more spatially oriented, have greater upper body strength than women, and have a single-track mindset. In a previous post, “An Ingredient for Confidence,” I talked about how one of the roles of males are to provide, preside and protect their families. These generalizations I have listed for males are what makes up the roles of men. Because men are aggressive and competitive, they can protect their families and be motivated to provide for them as well. Having a one-track mind makes decision-making more streamlined and can be beneficial when presiding over a family.

Generally, females tend to be more cooperative, communicative, and their minds create elaborate relationships that connect many things together; a relational orientation. This makes women more inclined to be nurturing. They tend to resolve conflicts by relating to others’ feelings and helping them to express their feelings to the people they are disagreeing with.

These differences between men and women do not make one greater than the other, and they fit together well. Recently I watched a video that was addressing gender differences (an ABC special by John Stossel). They interviewed (what I would call) an extreme feminist, and I was appalled when the interviewer asked a question about women being generally more nurturing than men, and she emphatically responded no. She seemed so against men and women having traditional roles, or any roles for that matter, and I thought that was so wrong. The other women who were extreme feminists also believed that women can do ANYTHING a man can do, and probably better, too. They also interviewed a group of men who didn't like how men are being shamed for doing what men naturally do best.

I am tired of women being told they can do anything a man can do, just as well as a man. Because it’s not true. Just as females are generally less physically strong than males, males cannot carry and birth babies. They can’t. And it’s okay. Women are gifted with so many other talents and strengths that we don’t need to be the same as or better than men.

I am also very sick of seeing men being put-down and treated as terrible creatures. Some men are horrible, that’s true. But a clear majority of men are smart, capable, and honest. 

As I was reading through this article I really liked his three points he gave on how a specific Gillette ad was so abusive to men and their dignity. (I didn't like how passive aggressive he was, but I mean, that ad was hurtful.) I would like to point out that if there was an ad that did the same thing to women, there would be a HUGE uproar and Gillette would probably go out of business.

Alright. This was an extremely biased and probably one-sided post, but I’m sticking with it. I just want to finish up with these last few thoughts:

It’s okay that males are more “masculine” and females more nurturing. It’s okay when some males and females don’t feel like they fall into the norm.

We need to focus on working together, not fighting like oil and water.

Please feel free to comment, but don't be mean. Thanks :)

Ethnology in the Family

Think about some rules your family had when you were growing up. Some typical ones are, “don’t hit your siblings, be respectful to parents, clean up after yourself, do your chores,” and so on. These family rules are a part of your family’s culture. Culture, when it comes to families, is made up of our behaviors, beliefs, and characteristics. Every family culture is slightly different, and that’s part of what makes up our individuality.

Some family cultures are conducive to a healthier family life. When the culture includes a married mother and father actively raising their children to be loving, hard-working and respectful to all, that family is much more likely to be healthy and bonded to one another. Most of the time, the family culture we grow up in is less than ideal. Because of this, the family unit must work much harder to be healthy and harmonious. There may be more sacrifices made by family members too keep the family unified.

I am a very, very lucky person, as my family of origin has a healthy culture. My parents have been happily married for about 30 years. This is a result of their choices in how they blended their two distinct family cultures. They had to decide what behaviors were acceptable in their family. They had to learn and understand and have similar beliefs to each other. They had similar characteristics that made them more compatible. All of these have facilitated in a healthy marriage, and a healthy family unit.

Some of the aspects of my family culture that I love is the individuality we all have, and spending quality time together. My family members are all extremely different from each other. My brother is very independent, outdoorsy, smart, rational, hard-headed, and a hard working. My sister is friendly, sometimes outspoken, genuine, intelligent, introspective, an amazing writer, and also hard-headed. I’m the perfect, favorite child. Just kidding. I was the quiet one, more into pop culture (but not super into pop culture), bossy, kind, spunky, and outgoing. I love that my siblings and I are so different, and I hope to cultivate that in my own family in the future.

My family also enjoys spending quality time together, but more recently It has been more difficult to do so. When we get together, it’s usually an outdoor setting;  we love to tell stories and remember good times in the past. We tease each other, laugh, and mostly have a good time. Because my family is more spread out these days, I like to make sure everyone is still in connection and in the loop about everyone else. I hope to be able to do these things with my future family someday.

I've also learned how important it is to date and then ultimately marry somebody with a compatible culture. The culture you come from doesn't have to, and most likely won’t be, the same as your partner’s, but it’s imperative to learn and discuss behaviors, beliefs, and characteristics you want your family’s culture to have. Sometimes a behavior in the culture you grew up with wasn't healthy, or you simply didn't like it. I know that I don’t like that my parents didn't give us specific tasks consistently, like chores, and I really want to do that for my children. Another characteristic that I would like to have in my family would be more patience. We have a lot of hot-heads in my family, and we had a hard time being patient with one another.

I invite you to think about the culture you grew up in. Are there things that you will not change in your own family’s culture? What about things you will dispel? Do you feel like it was healthy overall? What can you do to make your family’s culture strong?

An Ingredient for Confidence

This week in my family class, we talked about family systems. I found our discussions interesting, but nothing was really striking me enough to blog my thoughts about it. We talked about the different theories on how a family interacts, talked about some examples, and shared thoughts and stories that I found intriguing, but I still didn’t feel enlightened by anything.

Then on Thursday night, I was brushing my teeth and the thought popped into my head “the fathers’ role as a protector.” When that light bulb went off, I dropped my toothbrush, spit out my toothpaste, and ran to my notebook to jot it down. That line stems from a few places for me, the first from The Family: A Proclamation to the World: “…fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families.” Link to the Family Proclamation

The second thing that triggered my thought to write about fathers to be protectors, was from an exercise my teacher did in class. He asked four students to come to the front and hold hands in a circle, and he designated a mom, dad, and two daughters. He then tried to pull each of the family members apart, but they all moved and shifted their weight so the family member being pulled didn’t move very much. After the exercise was done, we talked about how healthy families keep each other from being pulled away by their worries and stresses. When we talked to the “dad,” he mentioned how he tried his best to not let the fact that he was being pulled away put stress on the other people; he tried to brace himself against the force and do what he could to put as little strain on his “family” as possible. Our teacher then pointed out that many men do that; not let his family members or people close to him help him in withstanding the forces of stress, worry, and anxiety.

Men naturally perform the duty of protector.

Protection comes in many forms. As mentioned before, men try to keep their personal problems to themselves, so others don’t have to be weighed down. I don’t think that’s the healthiest habit, but it’s a thing. Men are naturally bigger and stronger than women, so they’re able to physically protect more effectively than women. Some men show that protection when they walk between a woman and the road, creating a symbolic and literal buffer of protection. Men should also protect their families from the negativity, crime, and hatred in the world that causes emotional and mental turmoil. One way to do that is to monitor the type of media consumed in their homes.

As I kept pondering on men as protectors, I started thinking of the men I know that I look to for protection. I thought of my dad, church leaders, some close family friends, guys I’ve dated, and the guys I’m friends with. My dad was my first protector, of course. He always made sure his family was safe in everything we did and kept us safe from the worries and the stress going on in the world. I was lucky to grow up with church leaders and family friends that I trusted and felt secure around. They helped me feel comfortable doing things that stretched me as a person. In my dating and friendship relationships, it is always reassuring when men do little things to help me feel protected. 

One of the best feelings in those relationships is the feeling that I’m safe.

It is so important that men are taught and take up the role as a protector. When guys protect both their male and female friends, their relationships grow stronger and respect is built. When a man dates a woman and protects her, she feels safer and more confident in the relationship.  When a father protects his family, every member grows love and respect for each other, and for themselves.

Whenever I feel protected, I feel confident.

Built-In Friends

The world is in commotion. There are so many bad things happening on our planet today. Wars, horrific poverty, injustice, slavery, genocide, corruption, selfishness, and unkindness. Many of these problems could be lessened or completely avoided if we had better functioning families. The most fundamental unit of society is the family. Healthy family relationships have the greatest and most positive impact on the world. If you want better people on this planet, you need better families. Parents should actively raise their children to be loving, hard-working, and respectful to all. That is the bare minimum.

This video really struck me at how important healthy families are for our world.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gp2lfmb6rlY

On this particular blog post I want to focus on the perks of having a bigger family. I grew up with two siblings, a brother five years older than me, and a sister two years younger. My sister and I were best friends growing up, and we loved each other so much. We shared a room for about 11 years and learned how to live with a person who knows you really well (which is great and terrible). My brother and I were not close while growing up. I remember being really happy when he was at home and felt loved when he gave me attention. Since starting college and moving out of my parents house a few years ago, my brother and I have become better friends, and I love it.

When I started making friends that had big families (four or more siblings), I realized how wonderful it is to have so many siblings, because they were “built-in” friends. I really wished that I had more siblings. I wanted a big sister between my brother and I, and a little brother after my sister. Sometimes I would daydream that my parents told us that we had another baby and I could help take care of it. I wanted it so bad. As I kept learning about big families, I noticed some real benefits of having a healthy large family.

•           Siblings provide guidance and support. Brothers and sisters give different perspectives on life, people, and relationships. Siblings can use each other’s’ experiences to make choices. They also affect emotional availability, and share talents, hobbies, and favorite movies/books with each other. They expose each other to new ways of thinking and experiences. Siblings can bond more when they share all of this together.

•           They are an example of behavior (both good and bad). Any person with a sibling knows that they learned what was going to get them in trouble and what’s going to give them a treat.

•          Younger siblings can help you prepare to be a parent. Helping your parents take care of your siblings is the best kind of practice. You learn how to meet the basic needs of a child, and how to love them. Younger siblings can also teach you how to be patient.

•       They teach you how to get along with people you’re in close proximity to. The best roommates I’ve had, have lived with built-in roommates for most of their lives. When you have siblings, you learn how to work alongside people that can get under your skin very easily. Because of that, I’ve noticed most people with siblings tend to be more patient with those they are not related to.
•           Built in friendships/relationships.There is such a strong assurance in having built-in friendships automatically put into the life of a child. These friends are also protectors, teachers, leaders, followers, and worst enemies. Even those who grew up not having the best relationships with their siblings can ultimately become good friends. Many of my friends who have larger families treasure the relationships they have with their siblings.

I worked with children in an after-school daycare for about 3 years, and sometimes I could tell the difference between children who had a couple of siblings and those who had none (or were more than four years apart). The ones that had close siblings tended to be more tolerant to other children that might have seemed annoying, they were more willing to share, and they were usually more helpful. The kids that didn’t have close siblings tended to be a little more selfish, and had a harder time sharing and cooperating, or considering other people’s opinions and feelings.

I know that I would love to be a parent of children with lots of siblings. I know how important siblings are in a family unit. They teach us how to be more loving, patient, kind, understanding, and all-around good people. And we need more of those in our world.